You Don’t Have To Be Perfect – The Value Of Kindness

aaPicture4

The Dalai Lama stands for achieving peace and kindness by way of peace and kindness, and since Gandhi and Martin Luther King aren’t around, he’s a placeholder for that kind of position. He describes himself as  a ‘simple monk,’ but that’s wishful thinking. He’s a monk that’s been saddled with the responsibility of shouldering the hopes and dreams of millions of Tibetan people. … He’s doing the best he can with that, and frankly, these are the kind of people we admire. Recently another good soul entered  on to the world’s  arena,  taking on the herculean task of restoring the hopes of millions of Catholics.  I am speaking of the new pope, Francis..

1000012_10151645680662616_818762552_n

His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Aung San Suu Kyi during their meeting in Prague, Czech Republic on September 15, 2013. Both Nobel Peace Laureates are in Prague to attend the 17th Forum 2000 Conference on Societies in Transition. (Photo by Jeremy Russell/OHHDL)

An excerpt from You don’t need to be perfect to have a happy life!

A Happier Life by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD

When the Dalai Lama and some of his followers began to work with
Western scientists, they were surprised to find that self-esteem was
an issue, that so many Westerners did not love themselves and that
self-hate was pervasive. The discrepancy between self-love and love
for others—between miserliness toward ourselves and generosity toward
our neighbors—simply does not exist in Tibetan thought. In the words
of the Dalai Lama, “Compassion, or tsewa, as it is understood in the
Tibetan tradition, is a state of mind or way of being where you extend
how you relate to yourself toward others as well. ” When the Dalai
Lama was then asked to clarify whether indeed the object of compassion
may be the self, he responded:

Yourself first, and then in a more advanced way the aspiration will
embrace others. In a way, high levels of compassion are nothing but an
advanced state of that self-interest. That’s why it is hard for people
who have a strong sense of self-hatred to have genuine compassion
toward others. There is no anchor, no basis to start from.

There is much research pointing to the importance of self-esteem when
dealing with difficult experiences. Recently, however, psychologist
Mark Leary and his colleagues have illustrated that especially in hard
times, compassion toward the self is actually more helpful than
self-esteem is. Leary explains, “Self-compassion helps people not to
add a layer of self-recrimination on top of whatever bad things happen
to them. If people learn only to feel better about themselves but
continue to beat themselves up when they fail or make mistakes, they
will be unable to cope nondefensively with their difficulties.”

Self-compassion includes being understanding and kind toward oneself,
mindfully accepting painful thoughts and feelings, and recognizing
that one’s difficult experiences are part of being human. It is also
about being forgiving toward ourselves if we perform poorly on an
exam, make a mistake at work, or get upset when we shouldn’t. Leary
notes that “American society has spent a great deal of time and effort
trying to promote people’s self-esteem when a far more important
ingredient of well-being may be self-compassion.”

http://www.kripalu.org/article/1357/


One thought on “You Don’t Have To Be Perfect – The Value Of Kindness

Comments are closed.