Photographs from the summer garden. This year I grew my wild-flowers from seeds. They survived the driving rain and gusty winds of Springtime, the cold and dull days of early Summer now in August, they bloom and grow as if to reach the sky. So magical to behold. I have taken many photos of them all, especially the Marilgolds although I have only posted a few. Eve
“A poor old Widow in her weeds Sowed her garden with wild-flower seeds; Not too shallow, and not too deep, And down came April — drip — drip — drip. Up shone May, like gold, and soon Green as an arbour grew leafy June. And now all summer she sits and sews Where willow herb, comfrey, bugloss blows, Teasle and pansy, meadowsweet, Campion, toadflax, and rough hawksbit; Brown bee orchis, and Peals of Bells; Clover, burnet, and thyme she smells; Like Oberon’s meadows her garden is Drowsy from dawn to dusk with bees. Weeps she never, but sometimes sighs, And peeps at her garden with bright brown eyes; And all she has is all she needs – A poor Old Widow in her weeds.” – Walter de la Mare, Peacock Pie
LONELINESS is the doorway to unspecified desire. In the bodily pain of aloneness is the first step to understanding how far we are from a real friendship, from a proper work or a long sought love. Loneliness can be a prison, a place from which we look out at a world we cannot inhabit; loneliness can be a bodily ache and a penance, but loneliness fully inhabited also becomes the voice that asks and calls for that great, unknown someone or something else we want to call our own. Loneliness is the very state that births the courage to continue calling, and when fully lived can undergo its own beautiful reversal, becoming in its consummation, the far horizon that answers back.
From upcoming The Reader’s Circle essay; LONELINESS (c) David Whyte
I am very sure that darkness and the light are equally sacred but that does not mean we benefit by becoming complacent about the darkness we find ourselves in. We may meet in ourselves the deepest darkness a soul can bare but there’s always a way out of the darkest pit. For ultimately, if we are to cleanse the mirror of perception and purify ourselves, then we must bring light into the darkness. That’s always been the path of consciousness and the movement of illumination from the beginning of time. This coexistence of darkness and light indeed creates a merry dance in which the clarity of light is invited to lead and lead it must, but it does not create a hierarchy.
When we meet a loved one, or see a beautiful flower, or hear beautiful music, we are instantly filled with light.We can feel ourselves literately lighting up. Simply by being in a positive state of mind, our souls becomes receptive to the light.
We are capable of sending light to another by directing our thoughts, which are aligned with our feelings, toward someone, and when one does, instantaneously that light vibration and its energy is with that person. The quality and worth of light that is received is exactly that which we send, although the receiver may not be aware of it on a conscious level.
“We not only have light within us, but also emit light. The light we use for communication within and also emit is called ‘biophotons’. Experiments have shown that creatures of the same species emit and absorb light from each other in the form of these biophotons. These biophotons, being subatomic particles, may carry information. They also may carry energy, the vital force in Huna that is used by all three parts of the self. So when the religions speak of someone being filled with light or being the light, there is a physical basis for that reference. It is also another indication of communication that goes on all around us, that we are in fact a part of, but are unaware of, except when it is revealed by scientific methods.
Light in the tiniest amounts working on the tiniest particles that are nothing more than a possibility are the building blocks of our world and our bodies. Light, as subatomic particles that form waves, moves information from one dimension to the next, from one part of the family within to the next and it is happening all around us and through us. Light is our energy source and our information. When we consume food we digest the food and expel the carbon dioxide, but absorb the biophotons. The biophotons are absorbed by each cell nourishing the body. Our bodies are made of light and by consuming light we replenish our bodies. In every respect, like the Essenes, we are children of the light”
The Guardian Of The Night – Source: Beauty Of The Arts
What’s the most real-life scary story you have posted on a blog? I’ve had several that I certainly would not wish to share, but this one is worth sharing. At least, I feel it is. I call it my ‘Guardian Angel’ story. So here goes. 🙂
The phone rang in the kitchen just as I was about to go out. The aerobics class was at eight p.m. and I hated being late. Should I let the phone just ring? Whoever it was could call back later. It was getting dark outside, dang! I hated driving at night on route Seven.We lived in Reston, Virginia at that time. I was in my early thirties.
I rushed over to pick up the phone and said a rather impatient ‘hello’? A lady’s voice at the other end, one I didn’t know, answered :
“So sorry to bother you. You don’t know me but I know you. I was able to get your number from the phone exchange. I hope you don’t mind my doing this but I am concerned about you.”
I was stunned by her message as our telephone number was ex-directory. What did she mean by concerned? And why hadn’t the phone exchange alerted me before giving out my number ? I thought they would have asked permission.
With a seriously shaky voice, she said, “ There is a rapist in the area, do you know?”
I didn’t of course. I rarely read the newspapers. Our only direct neighbors were out all hours and we rarely saw them. Feeling awkward she continued on :
“I know you go out about this time, I have seen you from my kitchen window. I live just down from you, facing on to the parking area. I am just calling to say don’t go out tonight. There is a guy in the area whose been raping women. He’s attacked three women so far.”
Stunned by what she said, I asked for more details. She didn’t have many to share other than to be very careful. I thanked her very much for caring. That night, I stayed home. Still, the thought of a rapist being around, was somewhat disturbing. I couldn’t sleep well. Luckily for us, our house had been sold recently so, we would be moving out in a week or two.
We’d sold the house to an investor, who had, in turn, rented the house to two young women in their twenties. They came around to visit a few days after the sale went through. I gave them a house inspection and, remembering the rape, I warned them to be very careful not to take any chances.
The day we moved out, I wrote them both a note, advising them to make sure the locking ‘Charlie bars’ were always closed on the patio window. We’d had them installed a long time ago. They had done a great job to secure the back of the house. I popped the note into a kitchen drawer, where they would find it. We moved out and thought no more about our old house, until I met a former neighbour who said:
“Have you read the newspaper?” I said I didn’t often read newspapers. “Your house made front page! A guy broke in the other night and raped a young woman. She’d only just got home. He was inside waiting for her. Poor girl, she nearly died!”
My heart skipped a beat. How had this man managed to get inside? I’d given the girls instructions to keep the house safe. What could have happened? Later, I learned they had forgotten to close the Charlie bars on the patio window. He’d forced the patio doors open.
It could have been me who had been the victim. How close had I come to being attacked by this villain? The thought made me shudder.
I often wondered about the neighbour who called me that night so long ago. I never met her. I still ponder on how she’d got my number without my consent. Of course, I am grateful she did. Had she been a guardian angel sent to warn me? I’ll never know. I will never forget her or her thoughtfulness.
just to finish, I would like to add, I still feel so sorry for the young women who was raped. I tried to be a guide to her by leaving a message in the kitchen drawer, also alerting her to the fact, I wish she’d had taken the messages to heart, for she didn’t deserve to suffer that way. No, not at all. Eve
“A soulmate is an ongoing connection with another individual that the soul picks up again in various times and places over lifetimes. We are attracted to another person at a soul level not because that person is our unique complement, but because by being with that individual, we are somehow provided with an impetus to become whole ourselves.” ~ Edgar Cayce
I would love to add something of my own to the above quotation but I cannot think of anything appropriate. I will leave you to read the rest of the post, and ponder on “the whys and wherefores.” Eve
The Idea of Soul Mates
Excerpted from a talk given by Ram Dass in 2012
Question: The problem seems to be that when you are in a relationship, in the beginning everything is happening, but when you marry that person it changes. I’ve been in several relationships, major relationships, I’ve been married and divorced twice and I’m searching for something special. Something I’m told is called a “soul mate”. Do you believe in such a relationship or person and what would that mean? How would I know that?… Ram Dass: Got it! Keep looking! I’ll give you the farthest out answer first of all and then we’ll come back to something that everybody can handle. In the farthest out answer, we have all been around so many times that every one of us has been everything with everybody else. So when I look at you, you and I have been in so many relationships together. It’s just that we don’t remember them. Do you know how many times we have been born and died? Remember Buddha’s story: If you take a mountain six miles long and six miles wide and six miles high, that’s the distance a bullock walks in a day. And a bird flies over the mountain once every hundred years with a silk scarf in its beak and brushes the tip of the mountain. In the length of time it takes the scarf to wear away the mountain, that’s how long you have been doing this. Just think about that. Once every hundred years the scarf goes over; a scarf and a mountain. It goes on and on and on. In India there are Yugas and Kalpas of hundreds of thousands of years and then they start the cycles all over again. And we’ve been through all of them again and again.Now, behind all of this is the One. And that is all there is. All of us here are one in drag, appearing to be many. So we are all “soul mate”. There is only one of it. It’s not mates, because it’s not even two. It’s only one. There’s only one of us. So what you’re really doing is constantly marrying yourself at the deepest level of God marrying God. Now you come down into soul. And each soul has a unique karmic predicament (you could call it a psychic DNA code) that in a way guides which way its life will go. And it is entirely possible that souls when they take birth into parents that are part of their Karma will at some point meet a being and they have agreed in advance to come down and do this together and meet. And that’s what we usually call soul mates.What you have found from your past marriages is that what you are attracted to in a person isn’t what you ultimately live with. After the honeymoon is over — it’s after the desire systems that were dormant in the relationship that have the attraction in it pass and all of it passes — then you are left with the work to do. And it’s the same work. When you trade in one partner for another, you still have the same work.
Every friendship is different, and every end is thus unique. But how do we know when to say goodbye? And does that goodbye need to be accompanied with ensuing “breakup” drama? It must be said, though, there’s different types of friendships. And each type of relationship — from beginning to end — gets its own degree of life cycle experience. ~ Eve
“Closing The Cycle
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.”
― Paulo Coelho
Something light to end on and so sweet!
Friendship – you can count on me, like one two three!
There is an old saying that goes, don’t make friends with a shadow because a shadow does not smile. So true, eh ? Nor does a shadow talk. A shadow is just a reflection of something else. Old relationships are like that. Yet, sometimes we try to hold on to them, even when they no longer serve a purpose. One of my biggest faults is that I hang on to shadows, even though I know it is pointless. I don’t know why I do this. My head knows the truth, so why doesn’t my heart follow? I guess the problem with me, I am sentimental. It’s a huge fault I need to overcome.
With the demise of SaiBaba some three years ago, I’d lost a large part of ‘me’ and my way of life. I’d enjoyed yearly visits to his Ashram for some twenty years, and although he never gave me much attention, I still enjoyed the vibrations and atmosphere of being in his energy field. When he died, I was devastated. What to do? I tried to keep him alive through communicating with others around him. Big mistake on my part. They did not offer much comfort or friendship, most were busy making new lives for themselves. After a year or so, I too, wanted to move on, to forget the past, to begin a new life somewhere else. But moving house was not an option with a downturn in the market. Caught in that situation, I was dancing with shadows.
I still return to India during the winter to visit SaiBaba’s ashram. There is an undeniable presence of him there. There, in the subdued atmosphere of a bygone time, that decaying vista, that once was his lively ashram, becomes tender. There’s plenty of time for quiet reflection on all that was and now isn’t. The sun shines brightly over the ashram as always, the flower garden, even bigger now, is abundant with tropical plants and trees. I sit by the shaded lily pond, and ponder on the mental pain. There’s still a presence of him everywhere, but for me the grieving is not over. Everywhere there are pointers of times gone by, that throw shadows I would rather not see. I tell myself, “Oh get over it.” I don’t though. I retrace my footsteps to all my old haunts.
I am going back this winter to India to take more photos, but this time I’ll take a whole new programme for building brand new habits. Thanks to Tiny Buddha, here are some pointers toward a new future. Perhaps they can help you too, if you are also dancing with shadows. – Don’t dance with shadows. No, No No!
But the truth is, there are no simple step-by-step instructions for knowing when it’s time to move on. Surely there are signs. But the most important is that small knowing voice within that says something isn’t right, and it can’t be fixed. It may never be easy to admit this. Endings always lead to uncertainty, and that can be terrifying. But they also beget new beginnings, and new opportunities for relationships that don’t leave us feeling depleted and defeated. How do we know when it’s time to move on? It’s when we find the courage to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that staying will do more harm than good. We’re the only ones who can admit this to ourselves. And we’re the only ones who can change our lives for the better by finding the strength to walk away. –Tiny Buddha
Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.
Here’s my new list:
1. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.
2. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your friend or loved one. That former you was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.
3. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down old pictures; delete their emails from your saved folder.
4. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete all contact numbers.
5. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”
Why hide your feelings from the one you love? Why love the one who loves another? Why give everything if only pain comes in return? Why wait if there’s nothing to wait for? I guess the answer is love. Here’s a beautiful essay from David Whyte.
UNREQUITED love is the love human beings experience most of the time. The very need to be fully requited may be to turn from the possibilities of love itself. Men and women have always had difficulty with the way a love returned hardly ever resembles a love given, but unrequited love may be the form that love mostly takes; for what affection is ever returned over time in the same measure or quality with which it is given? Every man or woman loves differently and uniquely and each of us holds different dreams and hopes and falls in love or is the object of love at a very specific threshold in a very particular life where very, very particular qualities are needed for the next few years of our existence. What other human being could ever love us as we need to be loved? And whom could we know so well and so intimately through all the twists and turns of a given life that we could show them exactly, the continuous and appropriate form of affection they need? Requited love may happen, but it is a beautiful temporary, a seasonal blessing, the aligning of stars not too often in the same quarter of the heavens; an astonishing blessing, but it is a harvest coming only once every long cycle, and a burden to the mind and the imagination when we set that dynamic as the state to which we must always return to in order to feel ourselves in a true, consistent, loving relationship. Whether our affections are caught in romantic love, trying to see our neighbors as ourselves or trying to love a great but distant God, our love rarely seems to be returned in the mode that it is given. That gift is returned in ways that to begin with, we rarely recognize. Human beings live in disappointment and a self-appointed imprisonment when they refuse to love unless they are loved the self- same way in return. It is the burden of marriage, the difficult invitation at the heart of parenting and the central difficulty in our relationship with an imagined, living God. The great discipline seems to be to give up wanting to control the manner in which we are requited, and to forgo the natural disappointment that flows from expecting an exact and measured reciprocation, from a partner, from a child, from a loving God. We seem to have been born into a world where love, except for brilliant, exceptional moments, often seems to exist from one side only, ours – and that may be the difficulty and the revelation and the gift – to see love as the ultimate letting go and through the doorway of that affection, make the most difficult sacrifice of all, giving away the very thing we want to hold forever.
I just happened upon this beautiful ‘writing’ from the late Bob Marley. How true are his words and, yes with love, everything is brighter and more joyful. We are filled up with that one person who makes our heart flutter. We want to give them our all -in-all. Yet, so few of us will take the chance to love. Oftentimes, we do the opposite and shy away from love. Perhaps to avoid the pain if our love goes wrong. But love is always a chance……Although Divine love is never a chance. It is the goal.
Friendship is the expression
of unshakeable love ~ Baba
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again.
Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley
photograph from window box looking on to my garden.