Dancing With Shadows – Love And Friendship

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 yellowstarshiningbright
There is an old saying that goes, don’t make friends with a shadow because a shadow does not smile. So true, eh ? Nor does a shadow talk. A shadow is just a reflection of something else. Old relationships are like that. Yet, sometimes we try to hold on to them, even when they no longer serve a purpose.  One of my biggest faults is that I  hang on to shadows, even though I know it is pointless. I don’t know why I do this. My head knows the truth, so why doesn’t my heart follow?  I guess the problem with me, I am sentimental. It’s a huge fault I need to overcome.
With the demise of Sai Baba some three years ago, I’d lost a large part of ‘me’ and my way of life. I’d enjoyed yearly visits to his Ashram for some twenty years, and although he never gave me much attention, I still enjoyed the vibrations and atmosphere of being in his energy field. When he died, I was devastated. What to do?  I tried to keep him alive through communicating with others around him. Big mistake on my part. They  did not offer much comfort or friendship, most were busy making new lives for themselves. After a year or so, I  too, wanted to move on, to forget the past, to begin a new life somewhere else. But moving house was not an option with a downturn in the market. Caught in that situation, I was dancing with shadows.
I still return to India during the winter to visit Sai Baba’s ashram. There is an undeniable presence of him there. There, in the subdued atmosphere of a bygone time,  that decaying vista, that once was his lively ashram, becomes tender. There’s plenty of time for quiet reflection on all that was and now isn’t.  The sun shines brightly over the ashram as always, the flower garden, even bigger now,  is abundant with tropical plants and trees. I sit by the shaded lily pond, and ponder on the mental pain. There’s still a presence of him everywhere, but for me the grieving is not over. Everywhere there are pointers of times gone by, that throw shadows I would rather not see.  I tell myself, “Oh get over it.”  I don’t though. I retrace my footsteps to all my old haunts.
 
I am going back this winter to India to take more photos, but this time I’ll take a whole new programme for building brand new habits.  Thanks to Tiny Buddha, here are some pointers toward a new future. Perhaps they can help you too, if you are also dancing with shadows. – Don’t dance with shadows. No, No No!
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But the truth is, there are no sim
ple step-by-step instructions for knowing when it’s time to move on. Surely there are signs. But the most important is that small knowing voice within that says something isn’t right, and it can’t be fixed. It may never be easy to admit this. Endings always lead to uncertainty, and that can be terrifying. But they also beget new beginnings, and new opportunities for relationships that don’t leave us feeling depleted and defeated. How do we know when it’s time to move on? It’s when we find the courage to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that staying will do more harm than good. We’re the only ones who can admit this to ourselves. And we’re the only ones who can change our lives for the better by finding the strength to walk away. –Tiny Buddha

 

Time-to-Turn-the-Page

yellowstarshiningbright 
Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.
Here’s my new list:

1. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.

2. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your friend or loved one. That former you was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.

3. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down old pictures; delete their emails from your saved folder.

4. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete all contact numbers.

5. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.

Things-That-Dont-Matter
 
yellowstarshiningbright …
~ Eve